How to tell someone they’re not invited to your wedding is tricky. Very tricky. It all depends on how well you know them, what your relationship with them is and how they assumed they were invited! The last thing you need while planning a wedding is more stress. So, we’re here to help. We have come up with a little guide on how to tell someone they’re not invited to your wedding.
First things first, do you know who’s not invited to your wedding? When writing your guest list be sure that you have a defined list of who is invited and how many spaces may be ‘free’. This way when someone starts talking about how excited they are you don’t accidently say “Yes I can’t wait to see you there!”. This is especially common with friends of parents or distant relatives! The next obstacle is being delicate about the topic. You do not want anybody to feel like you don’t care about them, so here are a few scenarios…
An Old Friend That You Lost Touch With
The Scene: There are many friends that come and go in our lives . Some of them you love dearly at the time but one way or another you lost touch over the years. A big announcement like an Engagement can often re-surface old faces with well wishes on Facebook, they will often message you personally and also say that you really need to catch up soon. This could be 100% honest and they simply want to grab a coffee and say congratualtions. However sometimes they will expect an invite to the wedding and feel they better make an effort first!
The Script: Honesty really is the best policy but sometimes the truth can hurt! Of course don’t jump the gun and mention anything unless they have made a direct comment about attending the day, how awkward would that be! However if they do, this is how to tell them they aren’t invited to your wedding. Simply say “Unfortunately we are actually having quite a small wedding and can’t squeeze you in I’m afraid. However (fiancÃ©s name) and I would LOVE to celebrate with you, shall we go for a meal together and pop a bottle of champers?”
A Family Friend or Distant Relative
The Scene: Family friends or distant relatives assuming they are invited is quite common. Whether they got the idea from your parents or another family member, the point is if you don’t want them there then you need to tell them. In this case, the person you have to reason with is your parents (or whomever you think could potentially have a problem with you not inviting this relative). You should take them out for a nice lunch and explain your reasoning for not wanting them at the wedding.
The Script: In this scenario do not try to fob them off with excuses about space or budget. When talking to your parents tell them the real reason and ask them if they wouldn’t mind talking to these relatives for you. It will ease the blow and reduce stress for you during the wedding planning process. However if said relative needs telling in person then that’s the time to talk budget and space.
A Colleague or your Boss
The Scene: Okay this is perhaps one of the hardest situations on how to tell someone they’re NOT invited to your wedding. You have to see this person almost every single day, making the aftermath a little trickier to handle.If you are planning on inviting some people from work but not everyone it can become even harder. Nobody likes to hear that they haven’t been invited to something that their friend has.
The Script: First thing first, be sure to tell anyone that you are inviting NOT to blab about it. Of course if they are asked then you can’t help that but reducing any embarrsement is essential here. We suggest then having lunch or coffee break with this person and bring up the issues of space/budget at the wedding (we know it’s the same old excuse but it works!). Once you have their attention about this issue just pop into the conversation how you’re really sorry that you couldn’t invite everyone from work and how much fun it would have been. Suggest a pre-wedding meet up with everyone from work to celebrate.
How to tell someone they’re not invited to your wedding is always going to be a difficult situation but I hope these tips come in handy!
For more wedding planning advice see: The Unexpected Wedding Budget Items